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January 27 You bring me joy, excitement, hope and a need for tomorrow. You enable me to feel – are the source of infinite inspiration. Why is it, then, that sometimes I feel I am reaching for the impossible? Why cannot I just rejoice at what is, Instead of feeling sadness at what might or could be. I seek more time for loving you. I try to hide this sadness – from myself as well as you. You give me the promise of forever, bring hope and love that I never felt before. Then I hear Lawrence Ferlinghetti: “…but then right in the middle of it comes the smiling mortician.” I seek more time for loving you. I have no fear of death. “… it will come when it will come.” And I will greet it with both a promise and a hope. But there is so much yet to do. So much to accomplish together – I seek more time for loving you. I do not dwell on the unpleasant things of life. Mostly I’m content in our shared happiness, though once in awhile, when I wake up tired, or short of breath, or undergoing another treatment session, I cannot help but feel a certain sadness – I seek more time for loving you. |
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