January 1

January 1

A New Year.

Never have I entered a new year
     and felt such love before.
Never have I felt so needed.
Until you, love was only a concept -
a hope -
   a dream.
Love had no form - no substance.
I was alone.
Alone with friends. Alone with family.

Each New Year was the same.
No one to call to.
     No name to name.

Of all the New Years I have experienced,
there has been only one.
The day we met - the day I first experienced
                     love.

Now I understand.
My love has form.
   My love has substance.
It is something I can hold and I can feel.
It is within.
It is all about.
    It is life.
It calls to me:
I call you

"Come let us celebrate
the new millennium together - forever."

January 2

I cannot wait to explore the wonders of you.
Those secret spots that drive you wild -
   just waiting to be discovered
     by me.
Your curves - your folds -
   the stops along the way.
The passion felt within -
   the sighs I hear you say!
To trace a vein upon your leg,
   with fingers, mouth and lips
Up to the point your thigh will end
    and blend into your hips.
Your stomach, breasts and arms
    await me tenderly,
Your face, your eyes, your mouth
I claim my property.

Secret spots,
just waiting to be discovered
   by me.
I cannot wait to explore
   the wonders of you.

January 3

There are some things about me
   you should know.
I belch a lot. Have ugly toes.
I pout when I don't get my way
I talk too much - think I have
        SOMETHING to say.
I have hair growing out my ears and nose.
I laugh at my own jokes.
I bite my nails - and it shows...
So many things, dear you should know...
My dearest darling, I love you so.

I'm told that when I sleep, I snore.
I dread the sound of the closing of a door.
I'm insecure; I worry all the time
That someday you may tire of my rhyme.
And vanish into that God-awful dark -
Because of some insensitive remark
I might have said, by accident,
While feeling overconfident.
Despite these faults
still you should know
My dearest darling, how I love you so.

January 4

There is a certain comfort in being loved.
Not dependent on fantasy
    for excitement.
Even the image in the mirror looks different –
    Eyes a little brighter -
    Head held up a light higher.
Just spending the day
    not needing to remind myself
    That I’m lonely as hell –

Confident? Secure? Can I really
    feel this way?
What happened to the empty
    I went to bed with every night?
The darkness of despair –
    the absences of the light?
No longer do I feel
    sad when I arise each day –
the sadness that I felt
    in all my yesterdays.

There is a certain comfort in being loved.
This is your gift to me.
    A New Reality.
There is a comfort in being loved,
And I wear you comfortably.

January 5

There are times I need you more than others.
I need you every night.
I need you as I put to rests another day
before sleep comes to take me far away to where
you sleep – to hold you next to me throughout
the night – to keep me company.

There are times I need you more than others.
I need you every morning.
I need you by my side
as I greet the arrival of another day.
I need you close to me,
so that the first words that I say are
    “Good morning, come let us share this day,
    loving each other in all we do and say.

There are times I need you more than others.
I need you during the light of day.
I need you when I shop and when I walk –
    and do my daily errands –
    to listen as I talk
So I can see you smile
    and hear your gentle voice.
I offer prayers of thanks to God.
I celebrate – rejoice –
    that I have lived to see another day –
    and I have found another way
            to love you this midday.

There are times I need you more than others.
I need you as the sun begins to set.
I need you when it’s time to just reflect
    on all the joy I felt the whole day through
    from all the love I gave to you.

There are times I need you more than others.
I need you…

January 6

First the diagnosis,
    then the prognosis:
eleven months of side effects –
       from contusions to transfusions.
Let me list the ways:
       nausea, cough, loss of hair and pain –
       itching, low platelets, and migraine –
       bleeding under the skin –
food tastes all the same –
       blood sugar high, blood pressure low –
       feeling a bit insane.

Many friends have told me
       I am an inspiration –
beyond their imagination –
       deserving their admiration.
Still, they cannot help but wonder
       if a magic spell I’m under:
    “Why won’t he share?
    “What is it he conceals?”
The answer really is so plain –
       why I feel such little pain –
    Love Heals!

Illness affects the body,
       yet remains apart.
It cannot reach the spirit
       or touch the human heart.
    Love Heals!
Illness can affect the mind
       and make it less than whole –
Illness can cause death,
       but cannot touch the soul –
    Love Heals!

Illness, regardless of how hard it tries –
       to conquer - in it’s endeavor –
will never overcome your love –
       you love will last forever.
    Love Heals!

January 7

The secret to finding love was to let it
    come to me.

For years I searched for love.
There were times in my youth I would drive
       into a new neighborhood,
   hoping to discover love
   sitting on some doorstep,
   or crossing the street
   at an intersection – stopping to look
   my way and recognize me.

I practiced love.
   At least once each day I tired to fall
   madly in love with someone
   in the distance –
   but never reached my destination.
   No one looked my way.
I never did the bar scene.
Lack of self-confidence
   kept me out of competitive environments.

So I dreamed– - and found within - –
   A perfect, faceless, nameless love –
   a love that felt so real, I wrote poetry to it,
   created from loneliness
   dedicated to my perfect dream.

   Then my dreams ended. All that remained
   was the poetry.
   Content, I no longer desired to be a
   participant in life:
   I assumed the more comfortable role –
   that of detached observer.

Then, unexpectedly, love entered my life.
It touched deep inside me.
   And I recognized her voice
   She spoke to me – words heard
   before - but only in my dreams.
Images of a faceless past returned,
   this time with form and beauty –
and I recognized her face.

All the poems I’d written,
all the love I’d dreamt, was now gift wrapped
and presented to me.
As in my ancient dreams, that love
       was eagerly accepted.

I'd not been searching when love found me,
the same love I'd discovered in
       my youthful dreams
but which was not destined to be mine until
this future time
when love discovered -– and returned -
       to me.

January 8

Without you
     there is no sound. no laughter.
     All I hear is silence –
     Silence is the sound
of missing you.

Without yo
     my arms are empty.
     I no longer feel the softness –
     Softness is the feel
of touching you.

Without you
    my words are lonely –
    Lonely are the words
                of wanting you.

Without you
    my heart cries sadness –
    Sadness is the cry
                of needing you.

With you
    my soul finds comfort –
    comfort is what comes
                from loving you.

January 9

Love demands a certain closeness.
it is difficult being miles apart.
All of your softness that exists
Resides only in my heart.

My arms long to wrap around you.
All the warmth that I now miss –
No breathing to excite me –
No favorite spots I love to kiss.

When I sleep – and when I rise –
To love you, I just close my eyes.
Each night it’s all the same –
All I have to do
Is softly speak your name.

I see your smile.
I see your tears.
I feel the wonders of romance.
I feel your love
As you feel mine
And touch your countenance.

It’s difficult to keep my love,
Locked and sealed within –
When I have so much to give,
And so little discipline.

Our love is felt; our love is shared –
The best that we can do,
Until at last, some future time –
When I can come to you.

January 10

Sometimes I feel insecure, and find it difficult
to express my love for you.
I don’t come from a hugging, feeling family.
When growing up, I mostly experienced love from a distance.

I learned quickly to shake hands
with my Father –
kissing between boys and men was wrong.

I had an abundance of kisses stored
within, just wanting to come out.
That poor girl on my first date made the mistake
of granting me permission to kiss her.
I’d be there still
had she not sought the safety and shelter
of her house

I learned there is a special, reserved
time to love – love should only be expressed in
private, intimate times.

I lived with many self-imposed boundaries
by which I believed all were ruled.
Holding hands – the ultimate sign of affection.

Like the kisses I stored so many years ago,
love also was locked within.

You posses a magic key, and suddenly
the floodgate opened wide –

love came pouring out –
love I didn’t even know existed. Hidden love,
forbidden love – love – that feeling
never to be shared!

Remember my fright? The intensity of my love
amazed me; I feared to suffocate you.
I tried to hold back,
but you asked for all I could give,
and I loved you so much more.

But even now, there are times when
I still hold back –
waiting for some sign –
some little hint from you asking
that I give. And you do. And you always do.

The secret place where I stored my love
has moved.
It resides now in your heart. It is protected.
It is nourished. It comforts me.

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