January 22 - 31
January 22
I tasted years of freedom –
The ultimate loneliness.
Freedom is a lack of commitment.
There can be no love when you are free.
I prefer to feel devotion
And seek your company.
You give me a new kind of freedom –
freedom to love and to share –
Freedom to need and to want you –
freedom to show that I care.
Given a choice of my freedom
Or having you here by my side –
For one fleeting moment or always –
My love shall forever abide.
January 23
I tread waters of insecurity
fearing some day you will leave me –
just disappear – vanish into the night
as darkness steals your warmth and light.
You promised you would never leave;
you know you’re the very air I breathe.
But my fears existed long before we met,
in dreams that I cannot forget.
Each night when you came to me
we united in perfect harmony.
But with the light of an new day,
You simply vanished – went away.
I dreamed this dream for many years,
experienced the laughter and the tears.
I dreamed the same dream every night,
always losing you come morning’s light.
And now that you are finally here
my love’s so great, I need you near.
But I tread water of insecurity –
fear someday soon you may leave me.
January 24
What can I write tonight
I have not written before?
What thoughts do I think
I have not thought before?
What emotions do I fee
I have not felt before?
There are just so many ways
to express in words my love.
If a picture speaks a thousand words
I’d paint all that I love.
If music could convey
all that I now feel,
I’d compose a symphony
of love for you to hear.
Words alone can never touch,
embrace or hold you close,
caress you, kiss you, reach you,
substantiate my love.
Every time I think of you ,
express my thoughts in words,
all I write is fresh and new –
like when I first discovered you.
What is there to write tonight
I have not written before?
That you are the very essence of love
and I cannot ask for more.
January 25
Love has many attributes.
Among the most important:
sharing.
In my teens, I often assumed the role of
Big Brother.
Many little sisters confided in me,
sought my advice, my opinions – from a
male perspective.
I had a very big, soft shoulder to cry on.
All my self-doubts, self-fears and loneliness
locked themselves within.
No shoulder for me to cry on. Big Brothers were
not suppose to cry.
Time never significantly altered my role.
It merely replaced my Big Brother hat
with that of
Second Father.
Still I listened to sad songs, tried to provide
sound fatherly advice.
I was the fly upon the wall. Always there,
but invisible.
I tried my best to deny my doubts, and the
loneliness,
hurt and pain were invisible to everyone –
except me.
And then there was you. You saw a different me.
One neither I nor anyone else had ever seen.
You removed my walls, unlocked the doors,
and gave me
your love, your trust, your sharing.
Yet you experienced far more pain
than I ever suffered.
I was always there for someone –
my shoulder weighted down by other’s tears,
but it gave me a role, a place where
I was accepted, while you
experienced only rejection.
The depth of your scars built a strong wall.
My shoulder helped you tear down your wall
and in the process of our sharing,
you offered me your heart
and both our scars are healing.
Now all that matters is that we are here
and we care,
and we share,
and we’ve both discovered happiness.
You gave me your love, you gave me your trust,
and of even more important, you gave me
something I never had before:
a shoulder to cry on.
January 26
I miss the warmth of you on winter’s night.
The cold, like loneliness,
sends shivers up my spine.
Winter winds mock me as I write.
Embrace me in the night.
Whisper that “The ice is now all mine.”
The chills and cold are but a sign –
All that I might feel tonight
Without your love to give me
warmth and light.
And yet, though all the wind and cold,
I hear your sweet and gentle voice
Telling me your love is my stronghold,
I must be brave, I must be bold,
For even now I have a choice
Spring promises we shall rejoice
Your love, like petals shall unfold –
Mine to touch and love and hold
January 27
You bring me joy, excitement,
hope and a need for tomorrow
You enable me to feel –
are the source of infinite inspiration.
Why is it, then, that sometimes I feel
I am reaching for the impossible?
Why cannot I just rejoice at what is,
Instead of feeling sadness at what might
or could be.
I seek more time for loving you.
I try to hide this sadness –
from myself as well as you.
You give me the promise of forever,
bring hope and love that I
never felt before.
Then I hear Lawrence Ferlinghetti:
“…but then right in the middle of it
comes the smiling
mortician.”
I seek more time for loving you.
I have no fear of death.
“… it will come when it will come.”
And I will greet it with both
a promise and a hope.
But there is so much yet to do.
So much to accomplish together –
I seek more time for loving you.
I do not dwell on the unpleasant things of life.
Mostly I’m content
in our shared happiness,
though once in awhile, when I wake up tired,
or short of breath,
or undergoing another treatment session,
I cannot help but feel a certain sadness –
I seek more time for loving you.
January 28
We walked a shared pathway together,
discovered each other –
discovered ourselves.
Strangers, on the threshold of meeting.
Friends, in the process of developing.
Lovers, sharing and embracing.
Different roads we both could take.
Decisions we together make.
I chose you, and you chose me.
Our path became our destiny.
The distance between us
ceased to exist.
We reached our destination,
Said “goodnight” to dreams,
gained knowledge of one another,
touched, and
grew to love each other.
Each step we took,
every thought we expressed,
brought us that much
closer to becoming.
Our journey will never be complete,
but each step we make
will always be taken together.
Like the first flower of spring,
we evolved. We became.
Strangers on the threshold of meeting.
friends, in the process of developing.
Lovers, sharing and embracing.
January 29
When you are away
my home feels empty –
all I hear is silence –
silence is the sound
of missing you
When you are away
my words speak: “lonely”
lonely are the words
of wanting you
When you are away
my heart cries: “sadness”
sadness is the cry
of needing you.
When you are away
my soul seeks comfort –
comfort is what comes
from loving you.
When you are away
I spend all my days waiting –
waiting for the days we'll spend together –
always waiting –
when you are away.
January 30
Sometimes we share a lonely night:
No on beside you
to wipe away your tears –
No one to comfort you,
to chase away your fears.
No arms to surround you –
to hold you close and tight.
Not even my voice to tell you
“Everything will be all right.”
Sometimes we share a lonely night:
The only thing that I can give
is what I feel inside –
Wanting to be close to you –
keep you satisfied.
Right all the wrongs you try to hide,
the suffering you feel inside.
But I can’t wipe away your tears –
I need you by MY side.
Sometimes we share a lonely night.
January 31
Another beginning –
Another ending of
Another month
Of another new year.
Every day so different.
Every day so similar.
Filled with wonder, awe, and you.
Filled with sadness and with tears.
Filled with sharing.
Filled with caring.
Every night was spent with you –
And every day was fresh and new –
Filled with thoughts of loving you.
Another month of memories –
Creating anniversaries.
Reaching out to touch and feel –
Discovering our sex appeal.
We pledged a new and different vow –
That we would find a way somehow
To share throughout eternity:
My love for you – your love for me.
The days passed by. They seemed too swift –
And now this month is almost through –
I thank you for your special gift
Of welcoming my loving you.
31 Days of Loving You